‘harry, look at me’

Elmore Leonard first knocked me out with Killshot, now a movie I am yet to see. Then it was Rum Punch, which Hollywood turned into Jackie Brown — the uber cool Samuel L. Jackson playing Ordell Robbie, saying, “My ass maybe dumb, but I ain’t no dumbass!”

After reading Get Shorty and getting floored by it, I am now officially considering myself a big Elmore Leonard fan. Meaning I will suck up anything this dude puts up, including grocery lists.

Which brings to mind a girl I had the pleasure of sharing an FX ride with in 2007. A young pretty thing in tennis shorts and ponytail, she had Pagan Babies on her delectable lap. The only unsightly thing was this gym-chiseled white arm wrapped around her shoulders. This metrosexual type dude I make for a StarStruck reject practically all over her. Some lucky asshole.

My ears highly trained on eavesdropping came to work.

“What’s that?” the bozo asked, fingering the dog-eared paperback. “The book I’m currently reading,” she said, sing-song voice and all. The guy made a face as if something squirmed in his ass. “I can’t stand books,” he said. “All those letters.” Said it just like that, the guy clueless — or perhaps proud — of what a dumb oversized cockroach he was. Nailing his coffin, he said:  “I rather dance.”

Something squirmed in my gut.

Some girls don’t deserve their guys.


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